Why would a health care provider leave clinical practice and start making movies? What am I? A health care professional? A filmmaker? That question has frequently gone through Dr. Ryan Flesher’s mind over the last 5 years. The question was planted into his brain by an emergency Department director that he had about five years ago that said, “I’m not sure I want a wanna-be filmmaker and a part-time doctor working for me,” during his annual review. Obviously, he didn’t renew his contract, but let’s look at Dr. Ryan Flesher’s career path and his decision to change his career path from a medical doctor to an alternative career- a filmmaker.
Let’s look at the facts. I joined medical school, and even finished without getting thrown out. I passed all my board exams and matched my first choice for an Emergency Medicine residency in Pittsburgh. I somehow was able to survive my residency without killing too many patients, some other doctors, or myself. I became board certified in Emergency Medicine. I have been working in the emergency room for the last nine years, so I reckon that makes me a bone fide doctor. I can’t say that from the time I ws three years old I wanted to be a doctor or healthcare provider, but somewhere along the line I felt like having an occupation that helped people, had reasonable job security, and had a decent wage seemed like a good idea. Now, I recognize the concept of hindsight.
My state of mind five years ago when I thought about my medical career was scared and cynical. Those same sentiments held true for my opinion concerning the future of the medical system in general. That was why I decided I needed to make a change.
Initially that change was to become a “part time” doctor. I felt like scaling back my hours would help get rid of the discouragement, the impending burnout, and would help me focus on what I felt was important with my life. Scaling back my hours did help for a short time. However, even only working 8 shifts per month, I still would go right back into the same frustration and anger I felt when I was working full-time.
Thus, I chose to quit. The first time that I can remember (except during pee wee football when I realized I was more of the soccer type) I’ was going to quit something. But after 15 years of school and training to become a physician, I wasn’t going to leave without a bit of self examination. I had to see what was wrong with myself and why I couldn’t “hack” being a practicing doctor. That’s where being a “wanna-be” filmmaker came in. I decided to examine the “what’s wrong with me question” on camera, creating a documentary film called “The Vanishing Oath” that looks around the obstacles doctors and their patients face from the inside of the healthcare machine.
In summary, I am a health care professional, I have the paperwork to prove it. As for a filmmaker, that’s harder to define. When is one considered a “writer” or a “painter” or even a “filmmaker”? Is it actually when you complete your first book or film, or is it when you can say you earn your living from your art? According to the first definition, I Am A FILMMAKER. Through the second definition I’M A WANNA-BE.
So if ever asked again, “are you a health care provider or a film maker?” I will now answer:
“If being a real doctor is having to suffer hours on end, affect little change in my patients lives because the system doesn’t allow it, and destroy my own health and family to do so, then NO I’M NOT a real doctor.” “And if by exploring and learning about the realities of medical care in this country and further igniting my passion to help my colleagues and ultimately our patients then, YES I AM filmmaker”.
And happy with it.
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